I have refrained from commenting on the spectacle that is Charlie Sheen up till now because, shamefully, I have been enjoying it too much. I can’t wait to check the news every morning and see what he’s been up to, or better yet, what he’s said. But I can’t hold back any longer. Below are the best quotes from America’s favorite meltdown! (plus my feedback)
1. I'm different. I have a different constitution, I have a different brain, I have a different heart. I got tiger blood, man. Dying's for fools, dying's for amateurs.
How do you get tiger blood? I soooooo want some! That’s a win for anyone…except the tigers. Plus I think it’s awesome that Charlie is channeling his inner Mr. T. Dying’s for fools, sucka!
2. I'm dealing with fools and trolls and soft targets. It's just strafing runs in my underwear before my first cup of coffee. I don't have time for these clowns.
I usually just watch TV in my underwear, so he’s got me there.
3. I'm sorry, man, but I've got magic. I've got poetry in my fingertips. Most of the time - and this includes naps - I'm an F-18, bro. And I will destroy you in the air. I will deploy my ordinance to the ground.
Well, yeah, sure, I’m an F-18, bro. But during naps? That’s gnarly. And speaking of gnarly…
4. What they're not ready for is guys like you and I and Nails and all the other gnarly gnarlingtons in my life, that we are high priests, Vatican assassin warlocks. Boom. Print that, people. See where that goes.
OH MY GOSH, I SO WANT TO BE A VATICAN ASSASSIN WARLOCK! Boom!
5. I have defeated this earthworm with my words. Imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists.
I usually defeat earthworms with my foot or, possibly, a magnifying glass. I reserve my fire breathing fists for grilling
6. I have to tell them that last night was a shameful train wreck filled with blind cuddly puppies.
I understand using the puppies to make a point, but blinding them first? That’s just sick, man!
7. I am on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen.
Where I’m from, we just call it crack
dude, didn't you know I was a gnarly gnarlington?? rad!!
Posted by: Kimmer | March 11, 2011 at 02:24 PM
She has been patient, believing the best is worth the wait.
Yet the last apple fallen from the tree is usually sour.
The love that rocks your soul is hardly the result of a long wait.
Posted by: Shox r4 | April 14, 2011 at 03:40 AM
whew! what a nice post... Charlie Sheen all over lol..
Posted by: house training a puppy | July 21, 2011 at 08:24 PM