Over the weekend, Joakim Noah, of the Chicago Bulls, took some shots at our fair city, suggesting that Cleveland sucks. Personally, I think he just had his knickers in a twist after the Cavs started the playoffs by whipping up on his team. Nevertheless, I took offense at Mr. Noah's comments and feel the need to set the record straight: Cleveland doesn't such. We rock! (it says it in that song) As a matter of fact, we are much better than Chicago. To prove that, I have listed the Top Ten Reasons Cleveland is better than Chicago. Hope you enjoy!
10. We don't have to deal with the hustle and bustle of an economically thriving downtown. Our downtown is nice and quiet.
9. Their politicians are crooks. Ours see spaceships!
8. Chicago dyes their river green every St. Pattie's Day. Ours turns different colors everyday of the year!
7. We have never lost a Super Bowl!
6. Their most famous building is named after a department store. Our is named after the Terminator!
5. We have the Rock-n-Roll Hall of Fame, which holds new induction ceremonies every year...in New York.
4. We have an Iron Chef
3. Chicago sits on Lake Michigan, and as every Ohioan knows, Michigan sucks!
2. Forget dish pizza! We have Angelo's! Lakewood, represent!
1. Oh yeah...we have a better basketball team. Check the scores. How you like them apples!
Well, that list should have offended everyone. Let the comments begin!
Hmmmm...while I will agree that Joakim is an idjut, as a Chicago resident, I must take offense at some of the other comments...
7. Cleveland has never WON a Super Bowl...or an NBA championship...or an NHL championship (wait..they don't even have a team-nevermind)...or the World series since...1948?
6. Our most famous building is no longer named after a department store (that was purchased by KMart, no less). It is now named after a British insurance conglomerate...yes, the Sears Tower is now the Willis Tower. Chant with me...U-S-A! U-S-A! The only building I know about in Cleveland is the awesomely named Quicken Loans Arena. Cleveland wins.
5. We have the Daley Center, featured in the films "The Fugitive" and "The Blues Brothers." We also have Wrigley Field and Lake Shore Drive, featured in "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" and "The Blues Brothers." Cleveland has Harvey Pekar (well, Lakewood has Harvey Pekar).
4. We have the first Top Chef Master, 3 Top Chef Master competitors. one Top Chef winner, numerous Top Chef competitors, and were the site of Top Chef season 4's competition. Chicago also has foie gras lollipops.
3. Chicago is not the city referred to as the "mistake on the lake." That title goes to...ummm...yeah...
2. Who?
1. For now you have a better basketball team...until the Cavs follow Cleveland sports protocol post-AFL/NFL merger (wow...44 years...) whiff it in the finals in true Cleveland sports style (in a time period where Chicago has been rewarded with 2 Super Bowl appearances, 1 Super Bowl win, 6 NBA championships, and one World Series win)...and until LeBron leaves for NYC. Enjoy the playoffs!
All kidding aside, I do love Cleveland. I am rooting for the Cavs in the playoffs, as there are few sports towns as great as Cleveland. There are no more deserving fans in all of sports, so good luck to the Cavs!
Posted by: Suresh | April 20, 2010 at 01:53 PM
was that actually a twisted positive comment about the browns? for shame!
Posted by: whitney | April 20, 2010 at 04:00 PM
I live near Baltimore which completely sucks compared to Cleveland. I think we do beat you in STDs, heroin users, murders and police beatings (not that I'm against the police beating criminals).
Posted by: Troy Coates | April 24, 2010 at 07:42 AM